Narcissistic Mother

I wish I wouldn’t have to write this painful post, but I feel it’s the right thing to do for others like me who have experienced emotional child abuse.

I always knew that I had been raised by very emotionally damaged parents, but I realized lately that my mom is a narcissist.

This is still very difficult for me to conceive, but I know in my heart this is the truth.

My mom lacks empathy. She rarely speaks good of others, she judges harshly, she complains incessantly, and, in her head, she is always right.

If I share my struggles with her, she always go out of her way to make me feel bad about myself. She never truly acknowledges my feelings.

She already told me things like:

“I feel like you would have need a different mother than me.”

“I don’t understand how we can talk/connect together. Who would have believed this? We are so different.”

“It’s your fault if your father doesn’t love you. You didn’t love him as a child. You were always crying when he was carrying you.”

“There is no such thing as friendship.”

She was of no support during the worst part of my hypothyroidism flare-up, staying silent over the phone, and waiting for me to hang up, because my health issues were boring her…

She never calls me, and when I confront her she finds all kind of excuses.

I had to painfully acknowledge the awful truth that my mom doesn’t love me – she never did.

Emotional abuse IS NOT love – and will never be.

I read somewhere that narcissists can’t truly appreciate the deep authentic self of another human being: they are simply too insecure, self-centered, and apathetic to do so.

How can we love others if there is no love in our heart to begin with? We can’t give what we don’t have.

My mom is a bad tree who produces bad fruits.

The only thing I can do is pray for her.

I pray she gives her heart of stone to God.

Sincerely,

Lorraine


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31 thoughts on “Narcissistic Mother

  1. I just read this and I can’t imagine what you must be going through yet one thing I am sure of is that you are still rooted in who you are despite the pain that could change anyone,I love that you emphasized on prayer and are transparent,keep admitting,writing and praying but also see a christian counsellor once in a while just for that encouragement,God bless you💪🏽

    Liked by 3 people

    1. This is extremely saddening to realize that the person who brought you to life, and who was supposed to give you unconditional love was unable to love you. It simply reenforce my faith in the Lord. I need him more than ever. I also plan to find a good Christian therapist for emotional support. God bless ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am sorry, that you have had to deal with such as this. It is indeed sad when one realizes that there is no love, but you should also realize as I believe you do, it isn’t you. Offering prayers for peace and healing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words. I will not feel ashamed of myself anymore. I’ve been struggling with shame my whole life… God created us because he wants us to exist ❤️ The unconditional love of God is real 🕊

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m so sorry, Lorraine. I admire your transparency and willingness to share your pain. I pray for pain and shame to be replaced with praise and love. You are loved. 🙏🏻❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve been exactly where you’re at. My narcissist Mother died this past March. The damaged she did with mere words was tremendous. But God is above all and He’s the ultimate healer!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. All my sympathies to you and your mother. I wish God could save narcissistic mothers from themselves. It’s a miserable and long life when you can’t love… I pray that my mom & your mom find the narrow gate 🕊

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  5. This was very sad to hear! I can relate to child abuse and a bad mother having been put into fostercare at the age of 5 and never returning home. Yet some of those things your mother said were so sad to hear! I will be praying for you and your mother, I know it’s difficult but I pray for God to fill you with his everlasting love and will help you become an expression of his love in this world! God bless.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your support & prayers ❤️ I empathize with your life story 😔 I have been so sad lately, particularly when I realized she couldn’t love me and my siblings because of her condition. She never did. How terrible to realize that! At least, all our physical needs were met. She doesn’t hate us, but she doesn’t love us either. She is simply very self-centered, negative and grumpy. She is a master at blaming and playing the victim, and we all fall for it. NO MORE. I pray for all the narcissists moms & their kids ❤️ May they find everlasting peace and healing in the Lord 🕊

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    2. 😥 it’s very sad to hear and it must be so hard for you. You have a loving father in heaven who loves you with an everlasting love. I hope that Gods love awakens love in your mothers heart and that she may find a way to Express that love to you. Keep on praying and never give up! Thank you for emphasising with my story ❤ Sending much love and blessings to you. Amen

      Liked by 1 person

    3. “It has been said that if child abuse and neglect were to disappear today, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual would shrink to the size of a pamphlet in two generations, and the prisons would empty. Or, as Bernie Siegel, MD, puts it, quite simply, after half a century of practicing medicine, ‘I have become convinced that our number-one public health problem is our childhood’.” (Childhood Disrupted, pg.228).

      Liked by 2 people

    4. Wow! This is some incredible information. This is so true! Many who suffer childhood trauma or abuse end up going the same way as those who abused them. Without help and intervention it would be so much worse. Thank you for your comment.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. If you think that is bad, try being a care giver to a narcissist.
    I have never been abused as much nor as bad as she has abused me.
    She loves to humiliate me in public and to torment me.
    She is both mentally and physically abusive and shows no remorse for it.
    The only reason I can carry on is by Jesus’ strength.
    If you are not living with her may I suggest you cut her lose. She is a plague upon your mind and spirit.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This sounds terrible, I’m sorry for your pain. I can imagine how humiliating that could be. Narcissists hurt the people that are close to them the most. The only defense we have is to stay far away from them, and not engage. I don’t want to cut her lose completely, but I decided to emotionally detach from her. I won’t share my feelings with her anymore. I should have done that a long time ago, but I wasn’t ready to see my mother for who she really is. I simply couldn’t see that far. For me, she was my mom, and I needed her ❤️ At 31, I realize it’s time to let go… I’m ready to put boundaries. She is the most toxic person I ever had in my life. She can be good to me, but only when she feels like it. That’s unacceptable.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Lorraine, I know a lot about narcissism. Unfortunately. It has taken me years to heal and to try to understand their behavior and how I can deal with it. I am here to help in any way I can. Your post made me sad because I’ve been there. It is not about you even though it certainly hurts and feels awful when it’s your Mom. I’m so sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your support. I’ve been watching Dr. Ramani videos on YouTube for the last 2 days. She is an expert on narcissism, and I’ve learned so much!! I’m now documenting myself… I’ve been around narcissists in the workplace as well so it’s always good to be prepared for next time… These people really don’t care about other people feelings, and they have very small self-awareness capacities… We need to be able to protect ourselves against their abuse. Also, God is with us, and he sees everything. Amen ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Lorraine, there’s another blogger called HG TUDOR who is a narcissist but who writes about NPD and explains how to deal with them. It can be very helpful to read if you’re interested.
      Yes, God is with us…and seeing the bigger picture when you can helps in healing as well. Big hugs 💗

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Remain true to God and he will remain true to you with a love beyond anyone’s comprehension. Those of us who have been in emotional lacking relationships understand the negative process they bring and we must do exactly the opposite. There is light at the end of the tunnel and that light is Jesus. May you feel his love and peace surround you lifting you up.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Too many people will procreate regardless of their questionable ability to raise their children in a mentally healthy/functional manner. Being free nations, society cannot prevent anyone from bearing children; society can, however, thoroughly educate all young people for the most important job ever, even those who plan to remain childless. After all, should not a psychologically and emotionally sound, as well as a physically healthy, future be every child’s foremost right, especially considering the very troubled world into which they never asked to enter? Of course it should; it needs to be!

    Trauma from unchecked toxic abuse and/or significant family-life dysfunction (a.k.a. Adverse Childhood Experiences) typically result in a helpless child’s brain improperly developing. If allowed to continue for a prolonged period, it can act as a starting point into a life in which the brain uncontrollably releases potentially damaging levels of inflammation-promoting stress hormones and chemicals, even in non-stressful daily routines.

    It has been described as a discomforting anticipation of ‘the other shoe dropping’ and simultaneously being scared of how badly you will deal with the upsetting event (that typically never happens). It can make every day an emotional/psychological ordeal, unless the mental turmoil is treated with some form of medicating, either prescribed or illicit. The pain — which unlike an open physical disability or condition, such as paralysis, a missing limb or eye — is very formidable yet invisibly confined to inside one’s head, solitarily suffered.

    _____

    “This is the most important job we have to do as humans and as citizens … If we offer classes in auto mechanics and civics, why not parenting? A lot of what happens to children that’s bad derives from ignorance … Parents go by folklore, or by what they’ve heard, or by their instincts, all of which can be very wrong” (Dr. Alvin F. Poussaint, Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School).

    Liked by 1 person

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