I wish I wouldn’t have to write this painful post, but I feel it’s the right thing to do for others like me who have experienced emotional child abuse.
I always knew that I had been raised by very emotionally damaged parents, but I realized lately that my mom is a narcissist.
This is still very difficult for me to conceive, but I know in my heart this is the truth.
My mom lacks empathy. She rarely speaks good of others, she judges harshly, she complains incessantly, and, in her head, she is always right.
If I share my struggles with her, she always go out of her way to make me feel bad about myself. She never truly acknowledges my feelings.
She already told me things like:
“I feel like you would have need a different mother than me.”
“I don’t understand how we can talk/connect together. Who would have believed this? We are so different.”
“It’s your fault if your father doesn’t love you. You didn’t love him as a child. You were always crying when he was carrying you.”
“There is no such thing as friendship.”
She was of no support during the worst part of my hypothyroidism flare-up, staying silent over the phone, and waiting for me to hang up, because my health issues were boring her…
She never calls me, and when I confront her she finds all kind of excuses.
I had to painfully acknowledge the awful truth that my mom doesn’t love me – she never did.
Emotional abuse IS NOT love – and will never be.
I read somewhere that narcissists can’t truly appreciate the deep authentic self of another human being: they are simply too insecure, self-centered, and apathetic to do so.
How can we love others if there is no love in our heart to begin with? We can’t give what we don’t have.
My mom is a bad tree who produces bad fruits.
The only thing I can do is pray for her.
I pray she gives her heart of stone to God.